if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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