So drunk its hurt
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
that is very illegal...i love you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
