i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
