oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
