I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
third nipple confirmed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
