my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
