Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
