I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
