so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
