Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
