dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
