he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
