we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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