evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
