Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
