did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
