First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
