I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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