I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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