Define "chronic" masturbator.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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