I think I died a long time ago.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
