Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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