just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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