i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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