I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love you.
Bad choice
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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