I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
