i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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