Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
