I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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