Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
