I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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