I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
