she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
