i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
