this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
