I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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