yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
