Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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