In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
