Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
