somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
