i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
