This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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