She's JV to your varsity
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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