I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
