Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize