Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
