sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize