i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
