I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
