I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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