I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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