He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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