hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
