Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
