Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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