We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
