you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize