Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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