My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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