last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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