This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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