I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
