Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
