All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
