Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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