my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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