I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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