i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize