His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
