My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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