His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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