he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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