Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had sex on a roof
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
