I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
