I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
